Parents+of+Teen+Parents


 * Loss & Grief Experienced by Parents of Teen Parents **

If you have children, especially teenagers, the thought of becoming a grandparent prematurely has probably crossed your mind or will cross your mind at some point.

Despite the fact that teen pregnancy is on the decline, the US has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the industrialized world – twice as high as in England or Canada, and ten times higher than in Switzerland (CDC, 2010).

Below is a chart that depicts birth rates among teens age 15-19 years by nationality from 2000 to 2010.

According to the CCD about 750,000 teens get pregnant in the United States each year. Nevada has the highest teen birth rate; with 113 out of every 1,000 teens becoming pregnant. That averages out to about 1 in 3 women becoming pregnant at least once before they're 20. For many parents, teen pregnancy will be a reality that the family must work through.

Most professionals agree that the best way to prevent teenage pregnancy is to have a close relationship with your child and have clear and regular communication with your child about teenage pregnancy. The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy offers 10 tips for parents to help their children avoid teen pregnancy.
 * 1) Be clear about your own sexual values and attitudes.
 * 2) Talk with your children early and often about sex, and be specific.
 * 3) Supervise and monitor your children and adolescents.
 * 4) Know your children's friends and their families.
 * 5) Discourage early, frequent, and steady dating.
 * 6) Take a strong stand against your daughter dating a boy that is significantly older than she is.
 * 7) Help your teenagers to have options for the future that are more attractive than early pregnancy and parenthood.
 * 8) Let your kids know you value education highly.
 * 9) Know what your kids are watching, reading, and listening to.
 * 10) The first nine tips for helping your children avoid teen pregnancy work best when they occur as part of a strong, close relationship with your children, that is built from an early age.



<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">For more information on teen pregnancy prevention you can visit the National Campaign's website at the link below. []

<span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 150%;">Primary & Secondary Losses <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">If you're faced with your teen becoming pregnant or fathering a child, it's tough to predict how you will feel. You will probably experience a mass of emotions. A number of individuals interviewed for this project acknowledged feelings of loss and grief attributed primarily to the hopes and dreams they had for their child as they transitioned into young adulthood. A parent’s assumptive universe is turned upside down when they learn their teen is transitioning into parenthood before they will graduate from high school.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">The //**primary loss**// for parents of teen parents is the realization that their own children are losing their childhood and being forced to grow up extremely fast. Parents of teen parents often agonize about the sacrifices their own children will have to make as they prepare to become a parent themself.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">**//Secondary losses//** for parents of teen parents are abundant. Most parents fret about missed educational opportunities for their children. <span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Statistics indicate only one-third of teen mothers earn their high school diploma, and only 1.5% have a college degree by age 30. Additional secondary losses are financial stressors associated with a new baby, change in life/lifestyle for the teens parents, possible distrust and relationship problems with their teen, and changed perception of social status by friends and family. The expectant teens significant other can be a secodary loss. Additionally, in some circumstances the teen plans to marry or move in with their significant other. This secondary loss can be associated with the parent feeling like they are losing their child and somewhat comparable to empty nest syndrome.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Education - Without proper supports in place it is difficult for some teen parents to complete high school and continue to college. Some teen father's may feel the need to quit school and go to work to help support and provide for their child. Failure to complete highschool and/or college can result in a lifetime of financial hardships and struggles. Parents know this and grieve this anticipatory loss.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Financial - In addition to the bare necessities; diapers, formula, and clothing, day care can be a huge expense and break a family's budget.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Change in lifestyle - Most parents with teens are set in their routines. They have their children age appropriately independent and are able to devote time to their past times and hobbies. With the addition of an infant this will drastically change everyones life, including the teen parents younger or older siblings. The entire family will have to make sacrifices to support the expectant teen.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Distrust and relationship troubles - Some parents reported issues of trust or loss of trust related to their teenager. Especially those parents that have had sex talks with their child and the child adamantly refused any need to be on birth control.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Changed perception of social status - Parents of expectant teens struggle with how to tell family and friends. They worry that they will be perceived as a bad parent due to the actions of their child. Parents also worry about stereotypes and how their child will be perceived. Families that were financially self sufficient, but now must seek government aid or subsidy's worry about what people will think of them.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Significant other - The teens significant other is occasionally a source of grief and loss for the teens parent. If the parent witnesses character flaws or other troubles in the teens relationship they grieve the fact that the relationship is doomed in many instances before the birth of the child. This creates more obstacles for the teen parents as a single parent.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Relocation - If the teen parent plans to relocate with their partner this can prompt feelings of loss and grief. Many parents hadn't planned to let go of their children so early in life, especially when they may feel they need to be with their child the most to help take care of them and make sure they are staying healthy and taking care of themselves and their unborn child. <span style="color: #0000ff; display: block; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 150%; text-align: center;">Dimensional Assessment of Bereavement
 * =  ||= <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Stressor ||= <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Process ||
 * = <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Grief -Oriented ||< # Anger


 * 1) Guilt & Self-blame


 * 1) Betrayal & Distrust


 * 1) Disappointment ||< # Kick the teen out of the home - Maladaptive
 * 2) Force the teen into an abortion or marrying the father - Maladaptive
 * 3) Allow for a cooling off period and time to process the situation before talking with the teen - Adaptive


 * 1) Accepting that you did your best as a parent - Adaptive
 * 2) Withdraw and become consumed with questioning every parenting decision ever madeM trying to determine where you went wrong - Maladaptive
 * 3) Have discussions with your teen about circumstances and conditions - Adaptive


 * 1) Curse the teen and tell them how they will never amount to anything - Maladaptive
 * 2) Never let the teen out of the home again, since they lied previously - Maladaptive
 * 3) Allow ample time for your emotions to regulate and then resume discussions with the teen - Adaptive


 * 1) Retreat to your room and cry uncontrolobly, resort to alcohol to help sleeping and coping - Maladaptive
 * 2) Work through your emotions and while the timing may not be oportune, think about all the positives (being a young grandparent and physically and able to do a lot with your grandchild, the opportunity to be close with your grandchild) - Adaptive
 * 3) Afford the teen civil discussions that allow each of you to talk through your emotions and feelings - Adaptive ||
 * = <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;"> Life-Oriented ||< # Financial Hardship


 * 1) Teen support so they are still successful in life


 * 1) Negative perception of family, friends, and community. ||< # Develop a new budget and make sacrifices to make ends meet - Adaptive
 * 2) Research government programs, assistance programs, benefits, and other resources that you may qualify for - Adaptive
 * 3) Do nothing, your not the one that got pregnant. If the teen has to work through this they will be less likely to end up pregnant again - Maladaptive.


 * 1) Nothing, tough love will prevent a second pregnancy - Maladaptive
 * 2) Change work schedule so teen can continue in school - Adaptive
 * 3) Recruit assistance from family and friends - Adaptive
 * 4) Community resources that can help the teen become a successful parent - Adaptive
 * 5) Help ensure the young mother and infants medcial and mental/emotional health needs are met - Adaptive


 * 1) Locate a support group for parents of teen parents (normalization and listening and learning from others with the same issue) - Adaptive
 * 2) Withdraw and isolate yourself so you don't have to face what people may be saying about you and your teen - Maladaptive.
 * 3) Constantly belittle and degrade your teen in public so that everyone knows that you don't agree with the pregnancy - Maladaptive
 * 4) Work within the community to create resources and awareness - Adaptive ||

<span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 150%;">Literature Review

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">The majority of research secured pertained specifically teen pregnancy and the pregnant tees needs or to grandparents raising grandchildren. Search criteria utilized was "parents of teen parents", "parental support of teen parents", "multigenerational household", "grandparent support", and "grandparents raising granchildren" just to name a few. I was successful in locating a few study's related to grandparents caring for their grandchildren.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Burton conducted one of the first studies that assessed grandparents raising grandchildren in 1992. This was a qualatative study in which 60 African-American grandparents (10 grandfathers and 50 grandmothers) ranging in age from 43-82 years had assumed care of their grand and great grandchildren due to their children's drug addiction. <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">These grandparents reported three types of stressors; 93% experienced fear and concern about drug dealing in their community, 68% reported familial stressors associated to caring for multiple children or the financial hardships associated to caring for the children, the third was individual stress associated with their child’s drug addiction throughout the years. 77% of these participants reported needing economic assistance to help care for their grandchildren while 68% reported needing respite ranging from occasional help with their grandchildren to subsidized child care. It should be noted that this age group of grandmother's did report some stress due to being stretched due to caring for their elderly and ailing parents and grandchildren simultaneously. This study does note several stressors that some grandparents may experience today.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Grandparents were first called "Silent Saviors" in an article published in //U.S. News and World Report// in 1991. Research conducted as of 2002 noted that grandparents caring for grandchildren varied drastically in their roles, responsibilities, and ages, ranging from in their 40's to their 80's. This would imply that needs, supports, and strengths would vary drastically.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">In 1993 Jendrek conducted a more in depth study of grandparent caretaking roles that consisted of 114 grandparent caregivers and considered three different roles; the grandparent that provides child care, the grandparent that lives in the home with the child, and the grandparent that assumes a custodial parent role. The reasons for the grandparents assuming their caretaking role varied among participants, but the majority reported increased feelings of self-worth despite the minimal hardships it placed on them and their family.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Research also revealed that more families are now cohabitating under one roof than in previous years. According to AARP's Public Policy Institute in April 2011, found that in 2000, that 4.8% of all U.S. households (5 million households) were multigenerational. By 2008, it was 5.3%, and by 2010, 6.1 % (7.1 million households). The growth rate between 2008 and 2010 was more rapid than in the preceding eight years combined.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">While the subject matters above were not a duplicate representation of my population there was relevant and applicable information. Some of the stressors, demographics, and interventions for the parent, children, and grandchildren were applicable.

<span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 150%;">Interventions

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Parents should strive for a close, nurturing, and loving relationship with their children. When faced with the reality that your teen is expecting, it is important that your recognize and acknowledge your emotions and feelings. If you are angry, say that, but only while in control. If you are too angry to talk, take a break to regain your composure and come back to the discussion. As a parent it is important to give the teen the facts, lay the information on the table and talk through the issues with the teen. Marriage should also not be forced upon the teen. It is important as a parent to be able to support the teen and the decision they make regarding whether to keep the baby, placing the baby for adoption, or abortion. Parents should be able to support and love their teen. A supported expectant teen will have a healthier pregnancy and infant.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Parents should seek professional intervention from a trained and licensed SW, therapist, or counselor if they cannot work through their issues together. Additionally, if either parents or their teen notes problems coping with the situation or circumstances professional intervention should be sought.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Regardless of the role, groups were proven to be helpful in normalizing the situation and circumstances. Teen parents, parents of teen parents, children being cared for by grandparents, and grandparents caring for grandchildren were all noted enhanced well being when they were able to interact and relate to individuals dealing with the same issue. Groups have also proven to be source for resources and assistance relevant to teen pregnancy, respite for grandparents, medical health, mental/emotional health, financial, etc.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Teen father's will need guidance and support from their parents as well. It is natural to run and avoid circumstances out of fear. This could be the response of some young men not yet ready to be a parent. Some father's will need coaching and guidance on how to be involved and play a supportive role in the child's life.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">It should be noted that when grandparents assume a large caregiving role for caring for grandchildren that they are less likely to acknowledge or admit physical and mental health decline. This may be unconsciously or consciously out of the fear someone will tell them that they are not competent to care for their grandchildren.

<span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 120%;">Lastly, their needs to be more research conducted on parents that support their teenagers as parents. <span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 150%;"> <span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 150%;">References <span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.66px;">Dellmann-Jenkins, M. (2002). Adults in expanded grandparent roles: considerations for practice, policy, <span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.66px;"> and research. //Educational Gerontology//, //28//(3), 219-235.

Goyer, A. (2011). Multigenerational living is rising, and may be to everyones benefit. //Aging// //<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.66px;">Today, 32 //<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.66px;">(5), 7-7,10.

<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.66px;"> Goyer Kropf, N. (2003). Grandparents as family caregivers: lessons for intergenerational <span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 14.66px;"> education. //Educational Gerontology//, //29//(4), 361.

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